


Scraps

by Drel_Murn



Series: Step By Step Background Constellation [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Airbending & Airbenders, Dragons, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Fights, Gen, History Rewriting, Information Control, Monsters, Order of the White Lotus, Politics, Slavery, Spirits, armies, servitude
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-07-27 10:22:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 11,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drel_Murn/pseuds/Drel_Murn
Summary: Scraps from Step by Step. Alternate beginnings, rewrites of hard scenes and such that I've saved.





	1. Kiran: An Alternate Beginning 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kiran, I need to get up. As a matter of fact, you need to get up too.”

“Kiran?” a voice asks distantly. “Honestly.”

 

Hands lift me slightly, and I latch onto one of the arms. It’s warm, and I really don’t want to move.

 

“Kiran, I need to get up. As a matter of fact, you need to get up too.”

 

Gently, the hands shake me, and I yawn.

 

“Come on, up!”

 

I yelp as I’m propelled upright. I strike out blindly, only to meet a solid block. The feeling  makes me blink my way into awareness, and I turn to see Gopan smiling at me. I blink at him.

 

“You’re awake!” Gopan opens his mouth, and I quickly clover it with both hands. “No no no, you’re not supposed to be speaking right now, Shandar absolutely forbid it - he’d kill me if he knew I let you speak-”

 

Gopan cuts me off the same way I’d cut him off, leaving me staring at him with wide eyes. He sighed and shook his head, then, taking him hands back, made a shooing motion. That, at least was clear enough, and I get up. I glance briefly at the earthen tent above my head, labeling it as Shiel’s work after a moment as I straighten my clothes, before I hurry out.

 

Outside, there are a couple of privates hanging around outside, and a couple that are clearly on watch duty. Everyone who isn’t obviously on guard keeps glancing at the pile of ashes, embers, and chunks of charred wood off to the side of camp as I hurry past them, some of them more obviously than others, some of them straight up staring as they nurse their cups of tea.

 

I barely manage to withhold my sigh of relief when I spot a tent in my normal spot within the formation. Hiresh must have - yeah, that’s his handiwork I think as I glance at the walls.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of trouble with Kiran's beginning, and I kept trying different things. This is from one of the times I was trying to write after Kiran and Gopan had joined the actual army and were out fighting.


	2. Kiran: An Alternate Beginning 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another beginning where Kiran is in the army already. I was trying to bring spirits in here, and thinking about forces that go out to fight them. I think I was also trying to emphasize how close Kiran and Gopan were, and to show that she was his second because she was competent.

“Sergeant. Sergeant, please.”

 

I startle as someone touches my shoulder, automatically knocking the touch away and jumping to my feet.

 

Corporal Hiresh, second in command of my squad, stares back at me apologetically. Beside him, Hariti, Shiel, and Kanan (the other sergeants), all look relieved.

 

“Kiran. We need orders. The lieutenant-” Hiresh breaks off with a grimace. “He’s not exactly fit to give orders. You’re second in command. What should we do?”

 

“I-”

 

I stare at him, lost. I haven’t got a clue what I’m supposed to be doing - the closest I’ve gotten to training in managing spirits is listening to Minato when he’s explaining some of his training to Hikari and I or when he’s philosophising. And besides that, the odd feeling that had come over me when the spirit arrived hasn’t left. I feel like there’s cotton in my ears and like everything’s happening from behind one of those expensive pieces of large clear glass that the nobles import from the Fire Nation.

 

But Hiresh doesn’t go away, and I can see the privates talking agitatedly amongst themselves across the clearing.

 

“I-”

 

I wrack my brain, trying to remember anything about purification rituals, or what we were supposed to do if we can across a spirit.

 

Lady Kun curse it all, this was supposed to be a routine mission, something soft for the newbies before we were sent north to help keep the Fire Nation off Chameleon Peninsula!

 

The answer comes to me from one of the old stories I remember my mother telling me, but it’s not like I’ve got any better ideas on how to handle the situation.

 

“I think that you should burn the body,” I say carefully. “Fire is a purifying force, and we need to make sure that it-” I carefully keep my gaze away from the gashadokuro “-can’t revive itself.”

 

“And for the lieutenant?” Hiresh asks. My fingers tighten around the sheets in my grip before I force myself to release them.

 

“I’ll take care of him.”

 

Hiresh nods at me, and turns to leave, taking Shiel and Hariti with him.

 

Kanan lingers for a moment longer. “You were brave you know.”

 

His eyes fall to Gopan, lying pale and cold on the bed behind me. “He was right to choose you.”

 

Kanan leaves with that, and I automatically check Gopan’s pulse. It’s there. Faint, but it’s there, just as it has been every time I get the urge to check, and that is more than I could have hoped for since this whole situation started.

 

Across the clearing, I can see the sergeants barking orders, and the soldiers streaming into the woods - no doubt to gather wood for the gashadokuro’s funeral pyre. Everything seems to be going well enough, but I can’t help but let murmured prayers spill over my lips as I watch them.


	3. Kiran: An Alternate Beginning 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look.”
> 
> “Gopan, it’s dark. I can’t see anything.”
> 
> “Oh, sorry.”

“Kiran?”

 

I start, then turn to look at Gopan. He smiles at me and swings himself over the wall.

 

“You feeling alright?”

 

“I’m fine. Just - thinking.”

 

“About what?” Gopan asks as he settles down next to me.

 

 _About how useless I am to both of my friends, and about how nothing I do make any difference,_ I think bitterly, but I can’t say that.

 

“About nothing,” I say instead.

 

“Whatever this nothing is, it’s had you troubled lately,” Gopan says lightly. “If you need anyone to talk to-“

 

“I can always talk to you, I know.” I sigh, tilting my head back to look at the stars. “It’s just - I’ve felt so insignificant lately. With - with you making me a sergeant and your second in command, I’ve had to deal with more strategy lately, and it’s getting easier and easier to see that I’m not educated. You can name every strategy I bring up. I don’t know the proper names for anything, and I can only barely read. It’s becoming more and more clear that I’m not important, and sometimes I wonder why I even bother-”

 

I break off, all too aware that I was babbling.

 

“Why you even bother?” Gopan repeats after a moment. Then he stands. “Get up.”

 

“What?”

 

“Come on, get up,” he urges, grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet. He leads me back to his tent and pulls me down to sit in the darkness. I hear the shift of dirt moving - an indication of bending, before he tells me, “Look.”

 

“Gopan, it’s dark. I can’t see anything.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

There’s the sound of him rummaging through his stuff before a match sounds, and I blink against the black spot in my vision to see him lighting a candle. He blows out the match and holds the candle above something on the floor.

 

“Look, you remember this?”

 

It’s a village, practically identical to most of the many villages we’d passed on our way.

 

“What’s the village got to do-”

 

My voice cuts as I suddenly remember the exact village he’s showing me. It’s the temple- slightly different, like every temple - that clues me in. This is where the gashadokuro had attacked and nearly killed Gopan. The gashadokuro had come from a nearby battleground where the bodies had gone unburied because the villagers were angry with the recent taxes Baoshan’s king had raised.

 

It had killed and absorbed all of the villagers, and had tried to do the same when we passed through. Gopan had been the first target, and as the second in command, I had to take over when he passed out from blood loss.

 

I look away guiltily. I’d barely managed to get most of us out of there, and Gopan was the only victim I’d managed to save. I hadn’t told Minato and Hikari or my mother about it either. It had been so close to the time that Minato nearly got himself killed in the spirit storm that he needed to worry about himself, and I don’t want my mother to worry about me.

 

I startle slightly at the feeling of fingers on my chin, but let Gopan tilt my head up so that I’m looking at him. His other hand pulls one of mine up so that I’m touching the scar on his throat hidden under his armour.

 

“Kiran, I’m alive because of you.”

 

He lets his arms drop after a moment.

 

“I can name every strategy you come up with, but what is that worth? What good is knowing them if I don’t know when to use them. As for being educated, the most that gets me is a better place to argue your strategies from. You’re the one that’s good with the others, but even my squad goes to you first if they have problems because I’m unapproachable.”

 

“I’m-”

 

“The one who knows more than I about how to keep the unit running? The one doing a hundred little things to keep the boys happy? Someone I trust with my life? Irreplaceable?”

 

“-nothing.”

 

Gopan just looks at me in that way of his, then sighs.

 

“Come on. Go to sleep. You need to be alert tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another beginning where we star with Kiran in the army already, and fighting spirits with Gopan. I was also showing how much they trust each other, and showing that Gopan was using his earthbending to see. It was a bit too pessimistic.


	4. Kiran: An Alternate Beginning 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright. We’re moving up towards Ba Sing Se,” Gopans says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another beginning with Kiran in the army, this time more from the perspective of trying to defend Baoshan from the Fire Nation, and trying to introduce the other officers in their platoon.

“Alright. We’re moving up towards Ba Sing Se,” Gopans says.

 

“The old fortress?” Shiel asks exasperatedly. “I told you that we were going to have to staff it again, but what did the captain say? He said that Ba Sing Se was going to take care of it! Ba Sing Se was under siege! How were they supposed to take care of the fortress!”

 

“There, there,” Kanan says, patting Shiel on the back. “Captain Charan might be a coward, but no harm seems to have come of it-”

 

“No harm? What do you want to bet that the Fire Nation took over the fortress, and we’re going to die taking it back!”

 

“Boys,” Gopan says calmly, and the two fighting sergeants freeze. “That’s what I thought.”

 

Gopan turns to me, his eyes moving in that not-quite-focussed way that seemed to be a family trait. “Kiran, what do you think?”

 

“Shiel’s squad should take the right side of the path, I’ll take the left. Kanan’s squad should go straight down the center to disarm any traps on the actual path. Lieutenant, your squad should travel behind them, double checking that they’ve got everything.”

 

There’s a pause. “Kiran, you’re no fun.”

 

“I’m plenty of fun when our lives aren’t on the line,” I retort as Gopan leans forwards to examine the model of the area I’d bent for us. He’d always been able to work out plans better when he had a tactile representation of the map, so I’d gotten good at making the models from our maps over the years. “Besides, none of us were fighting when the captain abandoned the fortress, so you couldn’t exactly have told us anything about it.”

 

“It’ll work,” Gopan says before either of the others can reply, and they sober slightly, leaning forwards. Gopan glances up after a moment, eyes uncharacteristically sharp, but still as unfocused as ever. “If you see some much as a single Fire Nation soldier, fall back. Do you hear me?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I hear you.”

 

“Got it.”

 

“Good,” Gopan says, glancing back down at the map. “This whole move is stupid. I’m not letting you get killed just because the Captain was fool.”


	5. Kiran: An Alternate Beginning 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s so much going on in the world that sometimes I wonder why I‘m still in the army.

There’s so much going on in the world that sometimes I wonder why I‘m still in the army.

 

Originally, it was an act of defiance. I wanted to learn how to defend myself because I refused to be helpless when I have a perfectly good weapon at my disposal, and I wanted to prove to the King and all of the other men in power that just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean that I’m helpless!

 

Then it became an act of friendship. The lieutenant - Gopan became my friend over the winter months of the first pre-army training camp I’d signed up for. At first, I tried to push him away - to keep everyone away so that my secret wasn’t at as big of a risk - but he grew on me.

 

Reading wasn’t a standard part of the training, but my mom had extra money (a winter solstice gift from her employers) and figured that I should know how to read. When I had trouble with that, he helped me - tracing out simple characters in the dirt for me over and over until I could tell the difference, until I had memorized every stroke deemed necessary. There were war games, and I was always Gopan’s first choice, out of all of the friends I _knew_ he had.

 

By the end of the first session, at the time we had to decide whether or not to sign up again for next year - I found myself staying because of him. And when I arrived the next year, Gopan left mid conversation to greet me. That was why I stayed in the army, and it’s not a reason I disagree with even now.

 

At the same time, I’ve done everything I wanted to when I joined. I have learned to defend myself. But I’ve also learned how a woman will be treated if it is discovered that she has snuck into the army, and I know by now that I will never be important enough to truly make a change to that mindset - I don’t have the right mindset for strategy or command over large groups.

 

All that I will ever be is a common foot soldier, and lately I’ve been looking at Minato and Hikari, comparing them to myself, and wonder why - if they were real - would they dream of me? Perhaps they are just the product of their circumstances, and all of the big world changing things that happen around them are a coincidence, and so I wonder why it is that I’m there. What do I provide for them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another of Kiran's Alternate beginnings. It's close to the actual thing, but I haven't quite got Kiran's spirit down yet.


	6. Kiran: The Rock Scene 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gopan's breath shudders, and I glance over, startled, to see tears sliding silently down his face.

Gopan's meditating calmly in the shade of one of the trees at the edge of the courtyard we use. I watch him for a moment, almost surprised to see him. After our last lesson, he'd disappeared, and all the captain for or post had been willing to tell me was that his family required him. I'd shown up at the usual time, but I'd half expected to be alone. He looks tired.

 

Then I step forwards and settle awkwardly into the mediation pose he'd taught me. He's told me that if it was possible, I should always try to meditate before bending in order to fight. We've worked together for long enough now that I can do this without needing him to tell me to anymore.

 

We sit together in silence for a while. I stare at the wall across from me, and I focus on not moving, on breathing in time with Gopan.

 

After a couple of minutes, Gopan's breath shudders, and I glance over, startled, to see tears sliding silently down his face. I glance away quickly, almost embarrassed to have seen. I try not to listen to the way his breath hitches occasionally, and instead focus on keeping my breath even now that I can't simply follow his example.

 

After a while, his breathing calms and I hear movement. I glance over cautiously to see that he's wiped away his tears and is looking on over at me.

 

“Hi?” I ask cautiously.

 

“Hi,” Gopan replies, looking slightly amused, but still exhausted.

 

“I brought the rock,” I volunteer after a moment of silence, and Gopan’s eyes . . . don’t focus, but they never really do. It’s the rest of his body that I’ve learned to watch, the way his head tilts slightly, the way the muscles around his eyes relax ever so slightly. I note the way the skin at the  corner of his eyes crinkles, lending sincerity to his smile as I hold out the rock for him to take.

 

“That’s good,” Gopan replies as he takes the rock with one hand, and grabs hold of my wrist with the other. He sets the rock down in front of himself, then uses his free hand to pull a bag out of his pocket. He places the bag in my hand and releases my wrist. “Look through that and tell me what you think.”

 

With that, he picks up the rock, and seems content to ignore me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Rock Scene. Man oh man did I have trouble with the rock scene. Here is one of my many many attempts. There are lots of things going on here - the line in the summary is one of them. I think at this point, I was trying to hint that something was going on with Gopan's family, and that's why he was crying and not paying as much attention to Kiran, but that obviously failed. I think I removed this one because it was awkward.


	7. Kiran: The Rock Scene 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bring the rock. I have to.

I bring the rock. I have to.

 

When I can say no can be a complicated subject when I'm speaking with Gopan. He respects my privacy on most subjects, but my health and my training he won't compromise on.

 

So, I bring the rock.

 

When I get to our training spot, I find Gopan sitting in the shade of the tree that grows almost against the wall of that courtyard. There's something glittering in the air before him, catching the light for a moment, then sinking back into shadow. At first I think he's tossing his pins around out of boredom. Then I get a closer look as I sit down next him, and ice slides down my spine as I get a sharp reminder of who I'm getting lessons from.

 

 _Emeralds. Those are emeralds. And there's a ruby. And-_ I watch the gems spin, naming each one. I'd worked with some of the semiprecious gems before when a lesser noble had come to us because she didn't want to pay the higher prices that the artisans would demand. She'd been nice, and had identified some of the gems she was wearing, and she's even explained why she was wearing them.

 

 _Emeralds are the most expensive,_ she'd told me as we waited in the front of the shop for my grandmother to fix the pendant she'd brought in. _I'm wearing them to ensure that my visit here doesn't run my reputation. I may be in the working class section of the city, but I have the money wear emeralds, so I can't be judged._

 

My eyes stay fixed on the gems that spiral almost casually in the air before us. I had almost forgotten that Gopan was a noble. He didn't act like the other noble boys when I met him, and as we grew more familiar, we grew less formal. He wasn't acting as a noble in our interactions, but as my trainer and future leader. Now . . .

 

Now, there's something odd about the way he sits. There's something _wrong_ in his expression, something tired in his eyes, something off about the very air.

 

I hadn't thought before on why he hadn't gone home in the months  since training.

 

The gems finish their spiral in his palm, and I find myself abruptly brought out of my thoughts as Gopan closes his hand. I shake my head and glance up to find him staring at me with an odd concern in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

 

I look at him, at the way his hands are carefully relaxed against his thighs, at the way his back is straight, almost unnaturally so, at the tightness around his eyes, at the almost palpable air of strangeness. I look, and . . . I don't ask. “I’m fine.”

 

He doesn't relax. He doesn't - there's nothing to indicate that anything changed as he holds out the handful of gems. He doesn't slump, he still looks tired, _but_ . . . he doesn't feel strange anymore.

 

That's not to say that he feels normal; he still feels off, just familiar. He feels like my mother always did just after she got home after work. “Did you bring the rock?”

 

I dig into my pocket and quickly hold out the rock to him. He takes it, and then places the ruby on my palm before I can draw my hand back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, the freaking rock scene. So, in this one Gopan gets there first. It's very awkward. I'm still trying to do something with his family I think.


	8. Hikari: The Second Meeting With Iroh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then she hands the scale back to me.
> 
> “Keep it,” she says. “Dragons are fierce creatures - it might provide you protection.”

I mentally note that rumor as true. It had been one of the more common tales in the kitchen and laundry rooms - that not only did the prince pour the tea for all of his various guess, but if you lingered long enough, he would pour you a cup too, always insisting that tea is best when the one who serves it loves it.

 

It’s a weakness for both him and his servant in the eyes of many who value courtesy - the prince, for lowering himself to serve someone beneath him, and the servant for allowing it.

 

Kaito slides a lopsided smile at me from under his bangs as I settle myself onto the cushion across from him, but it slips down his face when he glances at Iroh. The smile’s rise and fall is like the salute of a soldier before the fight.

 

My eyes catch on the brightly colored objects on the table when Iroh sets the pot down so that his sleeves are no longer covering them, and my eyes flicker to Azula. This, too, is like a month ago - tension in the line of her hand as she takes her first sip in the not-quite-silence that is traditional.

 

Behind me, I can hear the crunch of Fuyujko’s footteps as she prowls across the courtyard.  From beyond the wall that makes up one side of this small clearing, I can hear the chatter and water-splashing of the laundry (is he here to listen to them? I can make out Kyo’s voice clearly as she talks with some of the other servant about Lady Ume’s latest indescresssions with her husband’s sister.)

 

Then Azula sets the cup down and smiles. “A lovely cup of tea. From Yujin you said?”

 

“Yes,” the prince replies with a nod and a smile. “It was a great pleasure to find - so rare that there’s a ban on exports.”

 

“You wouldn’t have happened to get those dragon scales from Yujin as well?” Azla asks, leaning forwards to nod at the colorful pile on the table. “I wasn’t aware that Isamu’s father had any scales left after he made that ridiculously gaudy armour.”

 

 _An attack_. Yuuma, the former lord of Yujin, was certainly the last acknowledged person to kill a dragon, but the dragon he had killed was green shading towards yellow - nothing like the blue and red scales on the table.

 

Iroh picks up his cup, smiles, and even though he hasn’t seen her in over a year, even though he didn’t really interact with her before that, I know that smile. That’s the smile Azula gives when she twists truths into lies.

 

“Of course I didn’t get these from Yuuma,” Iroh says, picking up one of the red scales and rubbing it with his thumb like a worry stone for a moment before presenting it to Azula. “I killed these dragons myself. Almost sad, really. They were last of their kind.”

 

I blink. Blink again. Glance at Azula, who looks like she believes him in that impassive way of hers, truly believes it with interest in her posture and disappointment in her eyes. I don’t laugh, but I feel like I should because that is the most blatant lie I’ve ever heard.

 

(Prince Iroh was one of the very few who protested the hunting of dragons before he left, and I highly doubt that his attitude changed enough for him to not only kill two dragons - a feat no other dragon hunter had accomplished - but to also be the one who made dragons extinct.)

 

“Have you told the Fire Lord?” Azula asks as she studies the scale in her hand. “I imaging that it would be a high honor for him to announce that the dragons have finally been driven to extinction, thanks to the efforts of his brother.”

 

She passes the scale to me, seemingly uninterested in it now. Iroh’s eyes are on Azula when I look at him, so I glance helplessly at Kaito. He mimes tucking it away, and not knowing what else to do, I tuck the scale into a pocket.

 

“No,” Iroh says. “I had forgotten to tell him. So many things happened since I saw him last - thank you for reminding me Azula.”

 

“Of course, Uncle,” Azula replies, picking up her cup.

 

The conversation continues on - Iroh asking after Azula’s friends and the boys the council had chosen as her suitors, and Azula asking right back about the people he’d been meeting and the times he disappeared to the city to play pai sho games against scholars in the city - until Fuyuko comes closer to quietly alert us that it’s time for Azula’s next lesson.

 

On the way to the lesson, I quietly ask Azula what I should do with the dragon scale.

 

“Let me see it again,” she says, and I quickly fish it out to place it on Azula’s outstretched hand as we walk through the hallways. She examined it for a moment again,stopping outside of the door to her classroom. She doesn’t turn around, so I can’t see her face, but finger rubs over it in the way that means she’s thinking - truly thinking, not dragging the moment out.

 

Then she hands the scale back to me.

 

“Keep it,” she says. “Dragons are fierce creatures - it might provide you protection.”

 

She turns on her heel and open the door to her etiquette class, leaving Fuyuko to follow in her wake. I contemplate the scale in my palm for a moment more before I tuck it away again and turn to make for Azula’s bedroom. She had a private history lesson yesterday, so there’s more notes for me to read and memorize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see this is fairly similar, in fact I think most of the first half is the same, until the dragon scale comes up, where it started to focus more on the dragons, while I wanted to focus more on the politics.


	9. Hikari: The Meeting With Kouki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He gave you a dragon scale?” Kouki asks reverently before he seems to remember himself, glancing over at Isamu and coughing.
> 
> Azula nods when he turns back, wearing a sort of half smile that is more genuine than anything she ever wore for the court.

“He gave you a dragon scale?” Kouki asks reverently before he seems to remember himself, glancing over at Isamu and coughing.

 

Azula nods when he turns back, wearing a sort of half smile that is more genuine than anything she ever wore for the court. Perhaps it’s because of his age - Kouki is the only one of her suitors who is younger than her - or because of his quiet enthusiasm for finding out the truth.  “Yes. He also claimed to have killed the the dragons, but . . . well, you remember how he was.”

 

Kouki nods immediately, and I have to stifle a laugh because Kouki hadn’t ever met Iroh. Like most of the colony nobility. But then again, maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised - of all her suitors, he’s the one most interested in history as evidenced by the things he mentioned occasionally that I’d heard of in Azula’s private history note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another scene I wrote for Hikari's chapter. It was originally just to expend the chapter to the minimum word count I wanted before I got the idea of making this meeting a part of Azula's burgeoning spy network.


	10. Rei: An Alternate Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My first memory is of my mother holding my crying aunt as my cousin walk away from us with his head held high, and a soldier at his side. He was five.

My first memory is of my mother holding my crying aunt as my cousin walk away from us with his head held high, and a soldier at his side. He was five.

 

And I remember things were better afterwards. I don't remember what it was like before, but I remember that things were better. I remember being surprised when my mother stopped to buy me candy.

 

I didn't understand what happened for a long time. I learned about it in school, but always as something the other nations (kingdoms, tribes, whatever) did. There was a disconnect - it couldn't have happened to him because the Fire Nation doesn't force children to work. That's why we're better.

 

When I was ten, I tried to tell Akane this. Nuan’s money had arrived in the mail that day, and it reminded me of the book we were reading in class. I paced the ground in front of her, waving my hands, trying to convince myself that I was just seeing things. Akane watched me with sad eyes, and when I finally trailed off, she stood and silently held out a hand for me to take.

 

She lead me through the dream forest to a memory of the village she lived in. I had a moment to glance up at the smoke coming from the volcano before she pulled me down streets that were both empty and full of blurred memories that flared to life as we passed them on the way to the largest house.

 

Inside wasn't nearly as clear as the village had been, but Akane knew where she was going. She lead me to a small room with a bed, just off of a much larger bedroom.

 

“This is a servant's bedroom,” she told me. “When their children are to old for nursemaids, the nobles go looking for poor families, for children the same age. They look for families where it would help to have more money, to have one less mouth to feed, and they make an offer.”

 

She paused, watching me look around at the cramped room, hardly big enough for the bed and the small closet.

 

“In theory servants can leave at any time. It's just a job after all. And they get paid beyond room and board, beyond the money sent back to their family. But they don't go to school. Most can't read or write. And who would hire a new servant when they've already got the ones they need, trained from childhood?”

 

She let me cry into her shoulder.

 

My cousin wasn’t my only problem though. I breathe deeply as I listen for the announcer over the rumbling of the crowd.

 

“The Mole against our lovely, deadly Fire Flower!”

 

I sink into a crouch and pull myself up towards the opening doors above me on a pillar of dirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's one of the other beginnings I wrote for Rei. I felt that it didn't quite capture her, voice, but as you can see, I did have certain elements already in mind that I kept, and others that got lost in the writing process.


	11. Akane: An Alternate Beginning 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like this, the air currents around me swirl across the sky in reds and blues and purples like blood or ink in water, tracing momentary contours as the wind plays against itself across the sky.

I frown as I contemplate the sky. I close my eyes and push up, out, far past where my bending can reach. I open my eyes far above my body.

 

Like this, the air currents around me swirl across the sky in reds and blues and purples like blood or ink in water, tracing momentary contours as the wind plays against itself across the sky. I watch the currents for a moment before I shake my head and sink a layer deeper to watch the air as a whole, and not just the momentary currents stirring the air.

 

We’re so far north of the rest of the Fire Nation that none of their storm warning ever apply to us, so we have to do our own weather watching. While the island’s thankfully so far north that we don’t get all of the tropical storms that the rest of the Fire Nation get, it still leaves some unlucky soul on weather watching duty. Because outsiders never come up to the weather watching post, and pretty much everyone on the island wants to me away from outsiders so they don’t figure out I’m an airbender and take me away, I’ve ended up on weather watching duty more than every other person on this island combined for most of my life.

 

I can’t even really argue that I would be more useful elsewhere because I’m the best weather watcher we have, what with my airbending allowing me to actually see the winds’ clash and currents.

 

Today, the winds don’t look like they’re going to clash and bring storms, so I draw myself in, down, and sink into my skin once again. The weight of my body after the freedom of watching the air always makes me feel trapped and too heavy to move, to breathe for long minutes after I’ve returned.

 

“Kararin! Kororin! Kankororin!” a high voice chants, dancing around me and occasionally jumping over me. I still feel like I can barely breathe, but I manage to laugh at the excited bakezori as it tries to get me to entertain it.

 

“Mao,” a quiet voice whispers as smoke from the ever- burning weather watch fire drifts against the wind to settle next to me. A hand cups my cheek for a moment as I start to breathe easier before dissolving in the wind. “You know she can’t entertain you like this. And Makoto, what were you thinking, letting Mao free?”

 

“Sorry, Akane,” Mao says, sounding genuinely repentant. I see the tand and black of his fur out of the corner of my eye, and manage to close my eyes as his tongue sweeps over my cheek. There’s the familiar sound of dog teeth on

 

“ ‘s fine, “ I manage after a moment, more out of breath than suffocating at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of Akane's alternate beginnings. In this one I was really trying to play up the airbender and friend to spirits angle.


	12. Akane: An Alternate Beginning 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I nod. “Ryung of Kamikaze, Lady Kimiko of Suzaku and their people wish for an alliance. Our people to yours, our lands to yours."

I sit calmly in the tent, listening to the sounds of life around me as I wait for the leader of the camp to arrive. I feel hyper aware of the barrels of wheat rice and dried fruit behind me, and the sound of footsteps approaching the tent door. So far, everyone had passed me, but any moment now, the next set of steps would enter the tent, and I would be facing the leader, and I know Rei told me he was trustworthy, but-

 

I tense as footsteps approach the tent. This time, they don’t leave. There’s a moment of silence when they reach the flap, and I open my eyes in time to watch the canvas flap open. The boy who enter is young - eleven or twelve at most. Spirits, he looks young.

 

He _is_ young. I remember him visiting the island with his uncle and his cousin five years ago, and he grown since then, but not nearly enough, and spirits, he still looks so young. His eyes are the same gold. Even here, after he abandoned the capital and started a resistance group in the Earth Kingdoms, his eyes are the same royal gold. They flicker to the side in a familiar way before he speaks. “Akane of Suzaku?”

 

“Yes.” I contemplate him for a moment. “And what would you have me call you?”

 

His eyes don’t move this time, and the cadence of his words is practiced. “Call me Ryung of the Kamikaze.”

 

I nod. “Ryung of Kamikaze, Lady Kimiko of Suzaku and their people wish for an alliance. Our people to yours, our lands to yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an alternate beginning where Akane didn't run away, but rather convinced her aunt to send her to the Kamikaze as an ambassador.


	13. Akane: An Alternate Beginning 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m here to negotiate,” I reply, shifting to face Juling as he sits down across from me. “I was told those words would grant me safety and an escort.”

“If I might ask, how did you come to find out about my order?”

 

I glance up from counting the my tiles for a moment, a jasmine tile clicking as I set it in my pouch. “My aunt.”

 

The old man on the other side of the pai sho table watches me for another moment, before he grunts and pushes back from the table. I put away the last tile and follow him as he leaves.

 

I follow the old man out into the searing sunlight, then into the shade of the building next door. There’s a young man sleeping in one corner of the dark room, and a table in the corner closest to the door. Other than those two spots, all available space is taken up by clothes chests. The old man gestures for me to sit at the table, then disappears back out the door. I glance around the room, slower without the old man waiting for me, and my eyes linger of the man in the corner.

 

I watch his chest rise and fall for a long moment.

 

The old man comes back in with a pot of tea and two cups. He sits across from me, pours us both cups of tea, then settles back, motioning for me to continue.

 

“What information do you have on Kamikaze?” I ask, picking up the tea cup.

 

The old man’s tea cup clatters onto the table, and I startle, then hiss when my tea spills onto my hand. In the corner, the young man starts to his feet.

 

“Juling,” the old man calls without turning around as he mops up the spilled tea with a tea towel. “I need to go. Please, tell our guest about the Kamikaze.”

 

“What - old man!” Juling protests as the old man leaves, stepping forwards slightly before the door shuts. He stares at the door for a moment, then turns towards me, running a hand through his long, sleep mussed hair. “You want to know about Kamikaze?”

 

I hesitate, my next words heavy in my mouth. If I’m right, if I have the right words and the right person, if what Rei told me is true . . . I might not be crazy. “The sky needs to bleed indigo.”

 

Juling freezes halfway through putting his hair up, his brown eyes black in the low light as he stares at me. My breath leaves me all at once. I don’t even need his words, his reaction alone confirms it. Rei is real, _Rei is real_.

 

“Face Stealer take your _ashes_ old man,” he mutters after a moment, stepping towards me as he finishes putting his hair up. “How do you know those words? You’re not one of us, you would have said so, and you don’t have the look of the Ramlah.”

 

“I’m here to negotiate,” I reply, shifting to face Juling as he sits down across from me. “I was told those words would grant me safety and an escort.”

 

Juling’s eyes go sharp. “Were you? And who wishes to negotiate?”

 

It’s so _earth_ to ask me to declare myself this early. When my Uncle met with with Noa of Heise for the first time, it took an hour before Noa admitted that she was negotiating on behalf of her husband and their island, and not just for herself. But, when in the Earth Kingdoms . . .

 

“I am Akane of Suzaku, here on behalf of Suzaku and his lady.”

 

Juling blinks at me, seemingly caught off guard for a moment, before he shakes his head and laughs. “You’ve got guts! I didn’t expect you to come out and say it.”

 

“I’m planning on staying with you lot,” I reply, frowning at him. “I don’t exactly want to get the cold shoulder.”

 

“You plan on staying?”

 

“Yes. It’ll be safer.”

 

“Safer for who?” Juling asks, all traces of laughter gone from his expression.

 

“Safer for everyone except me,” I reply, sitting up marginally straighter. “You will gain a fighter, and Suzaku will lose a weak spot.”

 

“How is a fighter a weak spot?”

 

“Wouldn't you find it questionable if you found an airbender on a Fire Nation Island known to trade with the Air Nomads before they became a threat? Wouldn’t you wonder what they were hiding?” Juling’s eyes are wide as I settle back into my chair, and I smile at him grimmly. “I wouldn’t need to worry about that with the Kamikaze. You declare it every time your name is spoken, what’s one more airbender now?”

 

There’s silence as I pick up my cup and take a careful sip, then softly, “You’ve got guts.”

 

“I should hope so,” I tell him. “Because my instincts are to run as far and as fast as I can, and there’s not much else to stop me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Akane's Alternate Beginning where she goes to the Order of the White Lotus to get information on Rei's group, and she manages to find someone in the Kamikaze who's not Nuan.


	14. Akane: An Alternate Meeting With Nuan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The old man glances to the young man, then says something in a language I don’t recognise. The young man squints at him, replies in what sounds like the same language, then looks at me, the movement giving me just enough light to see his face. The old man turn back to me. “This is -”
> 
> “Nuan,” I breathe.

The old man glances to the young man, then says something in a language I don’t recognise. The young man squints at him, replies in what sounds like the same language, then looks at me, the movement giving me just enough light to see his face. The old man turn back to me. “This is -”

 

“Nuan,” I breathe. There’s just enough light - I hadn’t thought - I’ve seen him before for a distance when Prince Iroh brought his son to his wife’s island - he looks _so much_ like Rei, but when he looks at me, he doesn’t have a clue who I am-

 

I can see the differences. I know he isn’t Rei - for one, he’s a guy - but spirits, I didn't realize they looked this much alike, and it feel like it’s Rei in front of me, looking at me with suspicion. They have the same eyes - brown like hot kaf - and the same nose, and there are even freckles along the same contours under his sunburn.

 

“And who might you be?” he asks after a long moment.

 

That shakes me. Rei told me he was broken after Lu Ten died, but I hadn’t thought -

 

(his voice sounds so wrong, so quiet, and even when Rei was trapped to fight as a gladiator she didn’t sound this depressed)

 

“I am Akane of Suzaku,” I reply, and his eyes narrow.

 

As one, we turn to the old man, who raises his hands. “I was about to say that I would leave it to you two to sort out.”

 

With those words, he leaves, taking the damp towel he had used to mop up his tea with him. Nuan watches him leave, then paces forwards to take his place across me at the table. He leans forward, propping himself up with one elbow, and studies my face. I watch him in return, the short walk to the table giving me every reason on my own to be wary of him.

 

Oh, he moved easily enough, and had the firm stance I’d come to expect from earthbenders . . . but there wasn’t any substance behind it. He feels less solid than I do, and I’m an airbender. It was like picking up what you think is a full water jug, only to find it empty - I expected him to move like Rei, and instead, I found this.

 

“So, you’re the missing cousin who was always off on weather watch whenever Lu Ten went to Suzaku,” Nuan starts.

 

“Weren’t you declared dead a year and a half ago?” I ask, and his eyes narrow.

 

“You didn’t actually seem all that surprised to see me. Here? Yes. Alive? No. And for that matter, how did you know what I looked like, weather watch?”

 

“I knew you were alive. And you didn’t think I slept up there, did you?”

 

“Then why did we never see you? I’m sure _Lu Ten_ would have liked to meet his cousin.” Nuan’s voice dips on the prince’s name, making it as much a sob as much as it is an accusation.

 

“I stayed away then for the same reason as I’m here now,” I reply, and I don’t let myself feel guilty. “Are the rumors about the indigo spirit true?”

 

The indigo spirit, who supposedly bends the air. I know the rumors are true. The indigo mask is of Ryung the Dawn Spirit, the messenger, and is worn by Shalim of the Wolf Coyotes, last of his tribe.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nuan doesn’t blink. I’m sure I’m not the first to ask.

 

“Of course you don’t. You’re a part of Kamikaze, a part of the divine wind. Why would you tell me?”

 

“Your first mistake,” Nuan says. “Ryung has yet to let a single soldier go. Who are you?”

 

I blink, then sigh. I wanted to do this the right way. I do need something to tell my aunt when I next see her after all. I glance over Nuan again. “Well, you’re doing better and worse than I was expecting, from what Rei told me.”

 

Nuan blinks at me for a moment, then bolts up right and rounds the corner to grab my collar and pull me to my feet. “What’s wrong with her? Is Rei al-”

 

“She’s fine!” I yelp, and he stares at me in incomprehension for a moment before he carefully releases my collar. “She’s fine,” I repeat, pulling my tunic down and smoothing it out. “We spent all last night debating which herbs work best when roasting gopher rabbits.”

 

He collapses to the ground abruptly, his face buried in his knees, his fingers tracing the beads of his bracelet as he mutters.

 

I wrack my brain, trying to figure out -

 

Samir. The last time Nuan saw a dreamer looking for their partner, Toph was running for Samir after the rest of his tribe were massacred.

 

“Ashes,” I mutter as I crouch down. This close, I can make out the prayers he’s mumbling over and over in time to the movement of his fingers on his bracelet. I try to remember what Rei told me about walking fighters when they get like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this actually branches off from one of Akane's Alternate Beginnings, so there's some context missing, but the basic thing is that she's already run away and has taken temporary refuge with the Order of the White Lotus, which she knows about because they've collaborated with Suzaku on rescue missions.


	15. Akane: An Alternate Meeting with the Forest Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Air-dancer Red-bird?”

A dog’s howl from the ground below pulls me out of my thoughts, and I peer down through the darkness beneath the trees. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but I sit up straighter when I notice the slightly darker silhouette of a dog against the shadows of the forest.

 

“Okuri-inu? Known to Okuri-okami of Suzaku Island?” I call down, and he shape raises its head and lets out a couple of barks. “Nice to meet you! I’m the airbender of Suzaku Island!”

 

The title sits heavily on my tongue, but my aunt’s warning echoes in the back of my mind - _don’t give your name freely. You never know what someone will do with it._

 

The okuri-inu lets out another bark, seemingly in response to my words, then turns around and disappears back into the darkness. I watch the patch of darkness for a moment, then turn back to the stars. I already miss all of the candles I wasted on the trip here.

 

The rest of the night passes without any other interruptions - though I have to shake myself awake a couple times after my my head lolling downwards wakes me up. In an effort to keep myself awake, I start to recite what I can remember of the plays that the Ember Island Players had put on when they traveled to our island. I’m mocking the climax of Dragons over Honoiro when a stick snaps on the forest floor.

 

I startle, nearly dropping my bag in my haste to sit up. It isn’t quite dawn yet, but light is already starting to leak over the horizon, giving my just enough light to see a figure and a dog in shades of grey, rather than slightly blacker silhouettes. The figure's hands move silently, confidently. The dog lets out a bark once the figure stills. I become abruptly aware of the sound of my heart pounding in my ears as I watch the figure’s chin tilt up, like they’re searching the trees. Their gaze settles on me.

 

“Air-dancer Red-bird?”

 

The voice is soft, and a little hoarse. It takes me a moment to recognise the title I’d given the okuri-inu.

 

Airbender - Air-dancer. Suzaku - (Vermillion) Red-bird.

 

On Suzaku, I’d only ever needed to call myself an airbender - I was the only one there. I don’t relax, but even the slight relief is enough to make me aware of the pounding of my heart in my ears and the abrupt, shaky weakness in my limbs.

 

“Who are you?” I call, and the figure steps forwards a bit, into a patch of slightly brighter darkness. There’s enough light now for me to make out the green of the figure’s clothes, and I’m confused. They’re green. Not a solid green, but a mottled green, like there hadn’t been enough dye to dye it all in one go, or like it had been used as a rag until you couldn’t tell which green was the first. The result is a little disconcerting because while I can tell the colors of the fabric, it’s actually harder to see the person’s silhouette because the greens blend into foliage behind them. “And what are you wearing?”

 

The figure lets out a light huffing noise. “Meimei here call me Air-dancer North. You would probably call me the airbender of the Beifong forest. It’s nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a meeting where I was trying to play up that spirits and humans have a hard time communicating.


	16. Rei: Tashi's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were a doctor. Back after the Air Nomad genocide, someone with grey eyes and the knowledge of a doctor came traveled the Earth Kingdoms,” she told me.

Fact: With Akane, I had been able to keep my curiosity at bay, but without her to speculate with, my curiosity breaks me in a day and ask how exactly how the healers always know where the Fire Nation is patrolling.

 

Fact: There’s a map with labeled lines, one for each day of the week (Tuiday, Laday, Agniday, Makaniday, Eraday, Kunday, and Inariday), tracing the routes of Fire Nation patrols. The doctor I ask is my age, new to her position, and she limps when she walks, even with her cane. I can’t see why she limps, but from the way her eyes widened when she first looked into my eyes, and the way she avoids looking at my face now, I have a feeling I know what happened. She hesitates, her eyes lingering on my hands. When I look down, I can still see a faint traces of herb dust, like machta spilled on a dirt floor.

 

Memory: (“They were a doctor. Back after the Air Nomad genocide, someone with grey eyes and the knowledge of a doctor came traveled the Earth Kingdoms,” she told me, and she still won’t look at me. I can’t blame her. I’m watching her out of the corner of my eye out of habit, but my eyes are fixed on the handle of her cane, leaning against the table. “Their name was Tashi, and they came around as the Fire Nation turned its eyes on the Earth Kingdoms.”

 

    “They?” I ask curiously. “Do you not know if Tashi was a man or a woman?”

 

    “Well,” she says slowly. “From what my teacher told me, no one did, and Tashi liked it that way. That’s not the point though. Tashi taught healers and doctors ways to . . . not fight, but get around the Fire Nation, ways to deceive them without losing anything. One of the things they advised was to keep track of the patrols, to figure out their routes. The Fire Nation doesn’t like anyone traveling, and patrols stop everyone they see, but if we avoid them, they can’t stop us. And we need to travel. We can’t grow everything we need here.”

 

    I nod along with her words.)


	17. Rei: Why the System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I could think of as I listened was Nuan’s face, over and over, crumpling as he says, “It’s my fault.”

Fact: It doesn’t take long for me to notice that the gossip that the healers and doctors give me is . . . different from the rest of the things people tell me. They always seem to know where the Fire Nation is marching, and they advise me on my next destination accordingly.

 

Fact: The one time I don’t follow their advice, I find myself trembling in a hole in the ground, listening to footsteps pass over me, hoping that none of the soldiers notice the hollow sound as they step on my hiding spot.

 

Fact: All I could think of as I listened was Nuan’s face, over and over, crumpling as he says, “ _ It’s my fault. _ ” All I could think of were Nuan’s words on parchment, cold, formal.  _ I am being sent to the front lines. _ All I could think of were people I’d helped Tu the doctor treat. The boy injured in the cart crash, with his skull cracked open. The man who accidentally got a facefull of fire when he interrupted a firebender’s practice. The woman who’d been torn at by a wolf boar. All I could think of was looking down at them and seeing Nuan’s face, over and over.


	18. Yazhu: An Alternate Mission 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One ship does not a pattern of government authorised systemic abuse and torture make.

I’m curled up under my covers, trying to shut the rest to the world out, if only for an hour.

 

When a cloud of sparks pour into the room and light it up, I’m not surprised. My sleeping mat shifts as Kotaru sits down behind me, not quite touching.

 

She’s just as oddly quiet as Kaede had been strangely loud, and it suits her just as well. After a long moment of . . . waiting, I climb out from under the covers and move so I’m pressed against her.

 

“Did Kaede send you?”

 

“You weren’t exactly quiet when you started yelling in the room next to the galley.” Hotaru is as calm as the lull before a storm.

 

I wince, but she relaxes against me and lets out a long breath that sends more sparks swirling out to replace the ones that had gone out.

 

“So, what happened after you went quiet?”

 

“What do you think? Aunt Riko waited this long, she wasn’t about to let me get off that easy.”

 

“Is she going to have you talk to the passengers?”

 

“No.  _ I _ am going to be on the active team of our next mission. I don’t know if she even considered having me talk to the passengers-”

 

“You wouldn’t have believed them.” There’s some of that odd calm in Hotaru’s voice again as she lets her head rest on my shoulder.

 

“. . . I wouldn’t,” I say because even though I don’t believe the whole story my family has spun around the refugees we rescue, I will be honest to my friend. “But she didn’t ask. It’s a bit drastic to start by sending me off on a mission. I don’t have any of the training.”

 

“Are you going to believe us if the mission proves us right?”

 

“. . . no. I’ll ask for training and go on another mission.”

 

Hotaru shifts against me, tilting her head back to she can look up at my face, and I obligingly meet her eyes. In the moving light of the last of her sparks, her blue eyes look almost black. “Not going to keep denying it?”

 

“One ship does not a pattern of government authorised systemic abuse and torture make. If everything our parents say is true, I want to see it for myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a lot of trouble with Yazhu. Included are three of my many different attempts to get Yazhu to actually interact. It is had to write someone who wants desperately to not confront anyone and still have a story.


	19. Yazhu: An Alternate Mission 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tikaani and Ming are arguing again. I pause for a moment to watch them. Ming is pacing back and forth, sparks flying from their fingers with every gesture. Tikaani is still, the stillness they only get when there’s something serious happening.

Sand crunches under my boots as I step out from Ming’s redwoods and onto the beach.

 

Tikaani and Ming are arguing again. I pause for a moment to watch them. Ming is pacing back and forth, sparks flying from their fingers with every gesture. Tikaani is still, the stillness they only get when there’s something serious happening.

 

Then Ming sees me and their face goes blank as they still.

 

Tikaani turns, and their shoulders get even stiffer, if that’s possible.

 

“Is something wrong?” I ask, though I’ve long since given up on getting an answer.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Ming says. “I’ve got it under control.”

 

This has been going on for two weeks. They’ve been throwing sparks when they move, even though they’ve told me how long they’ve spent training themselves out of that.

 

I try not to think about the reasons they wouldn’t tell me what’s bothering them.

 

For a long moment, the three of us stand silent, listening to the sound of the waves. Then I turn and start walking down the beach without another word, leaving the others behind.

 

I catch a snippet of conversation, carried by the wind.

 

“-should just tell them-”

 

I leave them behind to talk about whatever it is Ming doesn’t want me to know.

 

()

 

There are some of the passengers sitting in the galley, whispering uncertainly to each other, when I go to eat breakfast. They’re clustered in groups of two and three - friends, lovers, families. They go silent as I walk past them.

 

When I glance up from my oat-rice porridge, the woman across from me has the same odd green, almost yellow eyes as Ming. I duck my head quickly, and try to shake off the pounding of my heart. It’s not like it matters. She’s a passenger. We’re just taking her somewhere. She probably doesn’t know anything about Ming.

 

I don’t look up again and leave as soon as I’m done wolfing down the rest of my porridge.

 

()

 

“You want me to  _ what _ ?”

 

“Look, we’ve had this since the last time we met the White Lotus, we’ve been trying to come up with another plan for a while, but it need to be someone from the family, and it needs to be someone who can pass as earth,” Riko says. “You know how rare a combination that is.”

 

“Why can’t you send Jiro?”

 

“Jiro probably couldn’t pass as Earth to save his life, and you know it. We just need someone who can pass-”

 

“I'm not  _ passing _ . I  _ am _ Earth and you know it! You know exactly why I prefer to stay on the passenger ships instead of finding myself a spot on one of the cargo ships! You were there!”

 

“I  _ know _ .”

 

“Why can’t you just go with Fire? It’s always worked before! Or water if you need someone the passengers can trust? Why  _ me _ ?”

 

“Yazhu. Yazhu listen to me-”

 

“Why me?”

 

“You’re not listening!” Riko yells, startling me. She grabs my hands tightly and squeezes until it almost hurts. “Yazhu, I’m not trying to punish you. I know you don’t like to- Yazhu, look at me.” She squeezes my hands again, gentler, and I reluctantly turn back to her. “I know you don’t like to think about what the Fire Nation is doing to the Earth Kingdoms - ah! Let me finish! I know you don’t like it, and I promise you that I didn’t pick the mission.”

 

She pauses, searching my eyes, then lets me go. I twist away from her, rubbing my hands, but I don't look away.

 

“The ship that you’re supposed to raid is a special one. The people of Suzaku have been watching it for a while now, but the captain is very careful, and they haven’t had the opportunity to get her plans in advance before now. We took that other mission because we needed to wait for a window of opportunity and because we were trying to figure out another plan. We’re not the only ones who received the information, but we are the only ship close enough to with someone who can pass as earth.”

 

“Why-” I take a deep breath that shivers down my throat like a sob, “do you need someone who can pass as Earth?”

 

“Again, the ship's special. It's the FLS Fractal, a prison for earthbenders who have been deemed dangerous, like the Dai Li of Ba Sing Se and the Kyoshi Warriors, and for earthbenders with special abilities that the Cultural Department and the Department of Development want to to examine for potential uses. The two tend to be one and the same, as the earthbenders who are brought in for their special abilities discovered them because they were willing to be creative.”

 

“What does this have to do with needing someone who can pass as Earth?” I ask flatly.

 

“Because of the danger of the earthbenders, the ship rarely takes on new guards, and the captain doesn’t allow anyone on the ship.” Riko raises an eyebrow.

 

“You want me . . . to pretend to be an earthbender . . . with “special abilities” . . . so you can track the prison ship.” I pause. “Why couldn’t you have put a guard on the ship when they last took new guards?”

 

“The captain only takes common born soldiers. I think she’s common born herself, and believes that nobles and people with money get by on their luck.”

 

I frown, but . . . “Fine. You better give me an amazing special ability though.”

 

I’m not about to leave people hanging if I’m their only hope.

 

. . . I wish sometimes that I never left Honoiro. I could have stayed at home and learned how to manage the books like the rest of my Earth inclined cousins, and never had to face the facts about what the Fire Nation is doing to the people of the Earth Kingdoms.

 

()

 

I go to sleep early, for lack of anything better to do.

 

I’m not in the mood for singing or dancing or story telling, or whatever else everyone’s up to tonight.

 

I dream of the sound of waves lapping against the side of a wooden boat only just big enough to hold two and the feeling of someone rubbing my calves right where they’re the most sore after a long day.

 

I blink lazily at the sky overhead.

 

“Are you two done talking behind my back yet?”

 

“Ming was taken prisoner by the Fire Nation.”

 

I fly upright. “What?”

 

Tikaani doesn’t respond for a long moment, his hands going still on my legs. “They didn’t want me to tell you because we know you don’t-”

 

I laugh. It’s not a nice laugh, not a happy laugh. It’s an ugly laugh of broken- broken- I don’t know. Dreams? Promises? I knew what was happening the whole time. I take a deep breath.

 

“Alright,” I say, and Tikaani starts massaging my calves again.

 

“I’m on my way to save them.”

 

I close my eyes. “Alright.”

 

“I was hoping you could-”

 

“Do you even know what ship they’re on?”

 

Tikaani blinks at me calmly. “They said it was a special ship for dangerous earthbenders and earthbenders with special talents, the FLs-”

 

“The FLS Fractal,” I interrupt. “Right?”

 

Tikaani nods, and I close my eyes again. “You’ve heard of it?”

 

“Tikaani, Tikaani,” I say, “guess what my family asked me to do today?”

 

“Are they making you a part of a rescue team? I thought you managed to negotiate with your aunt to stay on the ship?”

 

“No. Today, I was told that they need someone who can pass as an earthbender to get captured in a way that will get them upon the FLS Fractal. And guess who’d the only Earth Nakano near enough to the Fractal to make it in the timeframe we have information for?”

 

The boat goes absolutely still. I can still hear the wind and see the waves when I open my eyes. Tikaani is rigid. His fingers are digging into my muscles almost uncomfortably.

 

“Yazhu-”

 

“It’s fine,” I say, closing my eyes again, and leaning back so I’m laying down in the boat like I was when I the dream began. “I always knew it would happen at some point, much as I wished to live my life in ignorance. I sail on the boat we use to rescue prisoners with, for Inari’s sake.”

 

The boat suddenly dips. Tikaani’s fingers stay clenched for a moment more before he lets go and simply rests his hands on my legs.

 

“Do you want-”

 

“Yes, you can help.” I open my eyes to look up at the sky. “Where are you?”

 

“Oh, about halfway between Kerkaw Kingdom and Shu Jing. Ming said that they overheard some of the guards talking about the food they’re hoping to get in Shu Jing after being in the colonies for so long. I . . . I didn’t think I was going to catch them, but I needed to try.”

 

“Alright. Keep . . . keep going. Get to Shu Jing, well find you. Tikaani-”

 

“Hey! What are you doing out there!”

 

“ _ Don’t tell Ming _ ,” I hiss as I sit up. I turn and wave at the figure on the shore. “Ming!”

 

()

 

“Alright,” I say to myself when I wake up.

 

“Alright,” as I get dressed quietly, under the sound of Kaede's snores and the silence of Hotaru's absence.

 

“Alright,” as I walk through the hallways.

 

“Alright,” as I sit down in front of Riko in the galley. “How are we going to do this?”

 

“What- Yazhu?”

 

“How are we doing this? I’ve never been on a retrieval team before. Not to mention, most retrieval teams don’t need someone who can fake bending, let alone ‘special talents’. How are we doing this?”

 

“Yazhu, why are you so-”

 

“Enthusiastic? Willing to do this when yesterday I was refusing point blank? Let’s just say I had a revelation,” I say, ignoring the cousins that had paused what they were doing to stare at me.

 

“Alright,” Riko says slowly. “Just let me finish my breakfast first.”


	20. Yazhu: An Alternate Mission 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lean against the railing and watch the people on the shore with a slight smile. It’s nice to see the kids running around when they’d been so quiet on the ship.

I lean against the railing and watch the people on the shore with a slight smile. It’s nice to see the kids running around when they’d been so quiet on the ship. I can see the White Lotus members who’d met us here leading the adults that weren’t watching the children inland towards the earth huts an earthbender had likely made and the smoke of a cooking fire.

 

“Oh, so  _ now _ you’re smiling,” Hotaru says. “Why can’t you ever do that when they’re onboard? Maybe you’d scare them less!”

 

“What are you two doing out here?” I ask, turning around and leaning back against the railing. “Shouldn’t you be in the strategy meeting with the adults, figuring out where to pick up our next cargo?”

 

Hotaru’s smile disappears, and even Kaede’s silence feels more serious than normal.

 

I can feel my own smile drop as I look between them. “What is it?”

 

“They sent us to get you,” Kaede says gently.

 

“What?” I laugh, my fingers tightening on the railing. “Why? It’s not that hard to figure out how to get to our next passengers is it?”

 

“They need a nonbender-”

 

“Tell them to ask Jiro!”

 

“-someone who’s not Fire or Water.”

 

“Why does that matter? It’s not like either of us can bend. Just because we call ourselves-”

 

Kaede steps forwards and puts his hands on my shoulders. “You know that’s not true.”

 

And - yes, I’m the one who insists that my lack of bending doesn’t mean I don’t have an affinity for all of the elements, but . . .

 

“I can’t do it,” I say, twisting out of Kaede’s hold and backing away. “If they need someone so bad tell them to go back and get one of the Earth people we just dropped off.”

 

Then I turn and run. There’s not many places to hide on a ship, but I can lock myself in a bathroom for a couple hours and hope they come to their senses.

 

I fall asleep leaning against the door, waiting for someone to tell me they’d changed their minds. 

 

()

 

Tikaani and Ming are muttering to each other when I open my eyes on the canoe.

 

Ming catches my eyes and closes their mouth with a clack of teeth. Tikaani continues speaking for a couple moments, just low enough that I can’t make out the words before they notice that Ming had stopped talking. They twist around. For a moment, they have that same stubborn look on their face that they have when ever they start talking about how stupid the gender divide is in the Northern Water Tribes.

 

Then the moment passes and they smile at me. “Hey. Good to see you awake.”

 

“What is it?” I ask, eyeing the pair as Ming carefully stands and moves back towards the middle of the canoe.

 

“What is what?”

 

“What were you and Ming arguing over?” I ask. “You’re not trying to give me a surprise party again, are you?”

 

“Surprise party? Nah,” Ming scofs. “No, but you will have to wait and see.”

 

I’d been joking about the surprise party, but Ming’s answer isn’t reassuring. Still, they might not be the best at keeping the fact that they have a secret hidden, but Ming and Tikaani were usually fairly good at keeping the secret itself hidden. I sigh and stretch.

 

“Alright then, Tikaani, what’s next on your arctic survival trip?”

 

“Actually, I’m going to put that on hold,” Tikaani says. “I’m going to go out hunting for a bit when I’m awake, and it’ll be tedious to have to deal with the ice all night too-”

 

“Tikaani!” Ming exclaims. Then they stop and glance at me.

 

“What?” Tikaani asks, raising an eyebrow at Ming.

 

“Nevermind,” Ming says. “Let’s get back to shore then.”

 

They stare at Tikaani the whole way, and there are several other times where they start to say something, then glance over at me and stop. The exclusion feels odd. It makes me want to look around for the person who’s stopping them, even though it’s always been just us in the dreamscape.

 

()

 

“Yazhu,” Hotaru says softly.

 

I blink. The wall across from me slowly comes into focus.

 

“Yazhu, I know you’re in there.”

 

Her clothing rustles as she moves, and the door jolts slightly as she leans against it.

 

I wet my lips. “Why me?”


	21. Yazhu:Note on Family

-mother was a sailor “water and fire in her veins and wind in her hair”

-father was an explorer “desert worn face and mud ingrained in his skin”

\- aunts and uncles and cousins of every color “surprises, some half expected, on mom’s side and careful secrets on da’s”

-we live in the heart of the fire nation, but we’re not a very fire family

-Hotaru, their other friend and cousin, a firebender, jokes that her names is prophetic because she likes to light a ton of tiny spread out sparks that look like fireflies and see how long she can keep them alive

-Aunt Riko's little brother was a waterbender back while that was the focus of the prisons, got captured because he refused to believe the Fire Nation would do something so horrible, died of. dehydration while escaping, body was left behind

 

-Nakano - well known sailor clan, practically unlanded nobility that hasn’t been offered a colony yet, not actually nobility, very rough and tumble sort of family, known for surviving storms they shouldn't

 

-I was thinking of doing the thing where sailors have tattoos that mean certain things - like I’ve been to the Earth Kingdoms/Honoiro/South pole/North pole, I’ve gone all the way around the earth kingdoms, or the ones that were for character traits like bravery, or luck, but then I was like wait, China and Japan (the cultures I’m basing the Fire Nation on, kind of) both heavily associate tattoos with criminal activity (though that is starting to lift now). Like it was a bit like that in Europe (which is where I got the idea from) but it’s much less so now. But all of the sailor characters I’m writing about are commiting treason by raiding military ships to free earthbenders, and even though I’m writing them as the good side, we probably won’t see any other characters with tattoos, at least until I get around to writing more about Azula’s potential fiances, but even then  _ they _ will be spying for Azula, who’s not exactly happy with her father anymore. So there would be  _ implications _ and so I was like how about I don’t.

 


End file.
